If she had known
by SafiaCrawley
Summary: A short story about the discovery of Jane and Roberts affair. It's series two and Cora is taken ill with Spanish flu but as she struggles with her illness Robert finds himself falling in love with the housemaid Jane . What would have happened if Cora had found out about their affair!
1. Chapter 1

_This story is set in episode eight of series two . Cora is recovering from Spanish flu and has just had the conversation with Robert where she tells him about how she feels she may of neglected him and asks him "we're alright aren't we Robert ?". I have often wondered what would happen if Cora knew about Roberts affair with Jane ! so here it is !Its only short but I am writing more ! hope you enjoy it !thanks for everyone's reviews it really inspires me to keep writing ! ( I have gone over the grammar in response to some of your reviews and everything should be correct now!) _

Robert closed the bedroom door and walked out into the corridor leaving Cora alone to her thoughts . Spanish flu had drained Cora of a lot of her energy and she was extremely pale and tired looking . She propped herself up on her pillows and looked as though she was in deep thought . Had she neglected Robert ?Were they really alright ? . She loved Robert , that much was sure , but did he still love her ? . They had argued and disagreed about Mary and Sybil and there had definitely been a little tension between them during the past few days . The lamps cast a warm glow and the room was quiet and still . Suddenly the door opened and miss O'Brien walked in . " I wanted to know If you wanted any food bringing up now that your feeling better your ladyship ." she said happily .  
" No thank you " replied Cora softly "I don't have much of an appetite at the moment . "  
" Is there anything else I can get you ? "  
" No thank you. "  
Miss O'Brien bowed slightly and went to leave the room . " O'Brien " Cora called after her " Thank you . I want to know how much I appreciate everything you've done for me . "  
" It's only what you deserve mi' lady . " Said O'Brien and with a look of guilt in her eyes as she hastily left the room . Cora sank down into her pillows and shut her eyes .  
She woke around an hour later feeling much better and her complexion had regained a little colour . She sat up and reached for the servants bell . A few moments later O'Brien was at the door . " I think I might be able to go down for dinner this evening " said Cora getting out of bed . She felt a little light-headed and shaky as she stood up and looked unsteady on her feet ." are you sure you shouldn't be resting mi' lady? " objected O'Brien .  
" no , I'll be fine " answered Cora walking slowly over to her dressing table " I'm not sure I can stand another hour in bed ." O'Brien dressed her in a black evening dress and made her hair . " can I have my black evening shawl O'Brien? " said Cora feeling the cold a little .  
" I'm sorry mi' lady but I was mending it and I left it downstairs . Would you like me to fetch it ? "

" yes thank you . I'll be in the library " replied Cora rising Weakly from her chair . O'Brien left the room watching Cora uneasily as if she thought she was going to collapse at any moment . As Cora walked out of the room she realised how ill she had been . Her head and limbs ached and her breathing was slightly hoarse . When she reached the stairs she had to cling tightly onto the banister to keep herself from falling and she began to wonder whether it really was a good idea to be out of bed . Eventually she reached the bottom of the staircase and began to walk across the hall towards the library .She went to step through the open door but suddenly she stopped . There in the middle of the library Robert was talking with the housemaid Jane .They were standing strangely close to one another and their hands were clasped in each others . Jane seemed to be sobbing but Cora just managed to make out the words "..can I kiss you..".Her heart sunk to the bottom of her stomach as she saw Robert lean closer to Jane and tenderly kiss her . Cora let out a sort of gasp and the two looked over with expressions of shock almost equal to Cora's . Everyone froze . Cora's legs felt weak and she reached out and leant on the door frame to stop herself from collapsing . Robert opened his mouth to speak but said nothing . There could be no explanation . Tears were glistening in everyone's eyes . At that moment O'Brien walked up behind Cora carrying her evening shawl . " I have your shawl your ladysh-" She stopped mid sentence and looked from Jane ,still held close to Robert,and back to Cora . Jane suddenly recovered herself and rushed past Cora and O'Brien and out of the room . Cora didn't even look at her as she passed .She was numb with shock . Cora's eyes were fixed on Robert who looked dumbstruck . O'Brien felt almost as uncomfortable as the other two . She looked pitifully at Cora and almost angrily at Robert . "How dare he ?" She thought to herself " how dare he ?After she had been so ill ,perhaps even close to death . " . There was a long silence . Finally O'Brien left the room .  
" Oh my dear " said Robert when she was gone ." I'm so sorry ."Cora turned and left room . Her heart was heavy in her chest and she struggled to hold back the tears that were gathering behind her eyes . She did not run , but walked very slowly , she was determined to keep her head held high and that the girls would not find out about what their farther had done . She steadily climbed the stairs trying desperately to hold on to her nerves . The room was starting to spin and her head as well as her heart was pounding dreadfully . " Mamma " called Sybil from the bottom of the stairs . Cora swallowed hard to suppress the lump that was rising up the back of her throat ."y-yes my darling . " she stammered unable to stop her voice from quivering . " are you alright ?" asked Sybil noticing the strange tone in Cora's voice .At that moment Robert came out of the library , this was almost too much for her to bear . " I'm fine ."she said quickly to stop the tears flowing from her eyes " I'm just feeling a little ill that's all" and with these words she fainted and fell in a heap at the top of the stairs .


	2. Chapter 2

Cora woke in her room a few hours later . She could hear voices speaking in hushed tones . " I thought she was recovering " said sibyl's gentle voice .  
" as did I " Dr Clarkson whispered " It's rather odd that the flu should still be having such an effect on her . "  
" Is it serious ? " asked Robert . There was a little silence .  
"No , I don't think so " replied Clarkson " it's just the after math . She'll be back to normal in no time at all . "  
" Thank goodness for that . " said Robert . Cora heard a rustling and then the bang of the door being closed . She shifted in her pillow and opened her eyes . O'Brien was sat by the side of the bed and Robert was standing next to the window at the other side of the room . " O'Brien " said Robert seriously " Could you leave us. " . O'Brien reluctantly did as she was ordered and left the room . Cora stared up at Robert . " My darling . " he said softly " please forgive me . What I did wasn't fair and-"  
" -No it certainly was not ! " interrupted Cora .  
. " My dear, I do love you . " said Robert with a look of agony in his eyes .  
" Do you ? " asked Cora shortly " well maybe you could find a different way of showing it ! ".There was a long silence and then Cora said " I think you should go now . I need to rest ! " . Robert opened the door, which O'Brien had been standing very close to, and left the room .  
Nearly a week passed before Cora was well enough to get out of bed again . This ,however ,had given her time to clear her head and think about what had happened . At first just the thought of it made her feel ill , then when she did think about it she felt heartbroken and finally heartbreak had turned to anger. When she came down into the Library one morning Robert was sitting by the fire with Sybil ." good morning Cora . " he said turning around .  
" good morning. " replied Cora coldly . She walked over to the sofa and sat down next to Sybil . Sybil saw the atmosphere between them , although she didn't know the cause , and decided to break the ice . "Tom and I are going to Ireland this Thursday . Lavinia's funeral is tomorrow and we didn't see the point in waiting . "  
" Do you have to go? " protested Robert " I do think you are making a very big mistake and I don't approve. "  
" Who asked your approval? " said Cora sarcastically . This caused a very awkward atmosphere between the three of them .  
" I have to arrange what I'm taking . " said Sybil standing " My cases need to be packed by tomorrow night . "and she left the room .  
" why did you say that Cora ? " asked Robert " you don't think that all this is a good idea . "  
" I think that Sybil has a perfect right to marry whoever she loves . " replied Cora and then with a significant glance " As long as he loves her . "

" We'll be sorry to see you go Sybil ." said violet over diner that evening " Are you sure there isn't a lord out there somewhere that you'd rather have ? "  
"quite sure." replied Sybil irritably .  
"But why do you have to leave so soon ?" asked Mary " Ireland is so far away . "  
" we'll all miss you, my darling " said Cora with an affectionate smile .  
"don't worry mamma. I'll visit , and you'll all be coming up for the wedding ." said Sybil sweetly .  
" well , I'm not sure that-" started Robert about to protest .  
" Of course we will darling " interjected Cora.  
Robert sighed . " I'm not sure it would be appropriate" he objected .  
" Propriety never held you back before . " snapped Cora unable to control the anger that had been building up inside her.  
Violet cast an inquiring look at Robert.

The next day the Crawleys were at Lavinia's funeral . Robert and Cora had been avoiding each other at every possibility and hadn't exchanged a single word all morning . Cora still couldn't forgive Robert and Robert couldn't think of what to say to make her feel better, so neither spoke . Although they sat next to one another during the service, the rift that separated them was beginning to feel too wide to cross .All this mixed with the melancholy atmosphere of the funeral and the thought of Sybil's close departure meant that they both felt very low . " Robert . " said violet as they came out of church " I will be frank . Is there something the matter between you and Cora ?"  
Robert thought for a moment before answering . " Is it so obvious ? " he replied finally.  
" Can you tell me what it is ?" inquired Violet .  
" No , but I can tell you that it's all my fault and that Cora will probably never forgive me as long as she lives . "  
" These things always pass Robert . " said Violet reassuringly " I had many quarrels with your farther , but they never lasted long ."  
" Somehow I don't think that will be the case with this one ." He replied gloomily . Sybil passed by with Tom . " I suppose I should settle things with Sybil before she leaves ." Said Robert and he walked over to join them . 

Cora and Robert grew more distant with each day that passed . Sometimes Cora would think she was being too harsh on Robert but every time she remembered that terrible scene in the library all her anger would come flooding back . Whenever she was in the same room as Robert it would result in an argument or create an atmosphere . Despite all this Cora still loved Robert . Sometimes she felt like she hated him but deep down in her heart she still loved him , he was still her 'darling Robert '. She longed to hear his tender words again and feel his arms around her in a warm embrace ,but something inside her just could not forgive him . It was nearly a month after Cora had discovered Roberts affair and she couldn't stand it any longer ! Just being around Robert was painful to her and she had to get away from Downton !Even just for a week or two ! She had to get out!

One morning Cora met Robert as she was coming down to breakfast . She had a letter in her hand addressed to her mother . " Robert ." she said quickly as though speaking to him was difficult . " Yes dear?" replied Robert forgetting that he was no longer on terms with Cora to call her 'dear'. This hurt Cora in more than one way . She found it insulting that Robert felt he could treat her with the same affection as he used to , as if nothing had happened , but what wounded her even more was that when he _was_ affectionate it reminded her of the way things had been and how much he still cared for him . Cora gave Robert a sharp look and a cloud came over his face as he realised his mistake . " I'm going to visit my mother ." continued Cora pressing the letter between her fingers . " Of course , if that's what you want . " said Robert softly " How long are you staying for ? "  
" I'm not sure" answered Cora coming down the stairs " Excuse me , I have to give this letter to one of the servants . "  
" Cora , please . " begged Robert earnestly as Cora walked past him " Do we have to be like this ? " For a moment as Cora looked into his eyes she wanted desperately to say ' no ' , to go back to the way they were before ,but she struggled within herself and replied " yes " in the same cold tone as usual .


	3. Chapter 3

The day of Cora's leaving came around quickly and Robert ,Mary and Edith gathered on the drive to say their farewells . As Cora said goodbye to Robert she did her best to keep up appearances ,but the cold manner in which they parted made it obvious that something was wrong . This did not go unnoticed by Mary and Edith who watched their parents uncomfortably and exchanged a sideways glance behind their backs . All this however could not dampen O'Brien's cheerful mood . A trip to America was always something to look forward to and for O'Brien, who had no opportunity of travelling except with Cora, it was a very exciting prospect . " Goodbye my darlings . " said Cora to Mary and Edith as she got into car . Although she was glad to leave Robert , Cora felt how much she would miss her girls ." good bye mamma !" they chorused and the car drove away down the gravel drive .

While O'Brien meditated on the delights of America Cora thought how glad she would be to see her mother and Harold again . As well as being her husband , Robert had been her closest friend and now that she no longer had his friendship, she missed her family back in America far more than she had expected . She watched as the house disappeared from view and breathed a sigh of relief . Perhaps when she came back things would be different .  
Cora looked out of the window as the car drove into the village . It was a grey wintry day and a few drops of rain had began to fall from the white misty sky . As she watched the village people going about their daily business she couldn't help feeling a little jealous . She had no cares or employments to occupy her time and distract her from everything that had happened . Of course she knew how lucky she was to lead her style of life and how many people would gladly swap their lot for hers but still she felt slightly envious . Cora was suddenly roused from her thoughts by the sight of a familiar face . A young woman was walking along the pavement , she held the hand of a small boy and her dark brown hair was pinned up in a tight bun at the back of her head . Cora recognized her at once . It was Jane . As Jane turned around , her eyes met Cora . They stared at each other for a moment that seemed to last for an eternity . Neither seemed to have the strength to turn their gaze from the other , it was as if both had been put into a trance . Cora was filled again with that horrible sensation she had felt on the night she had seen Jane with Robert . The boy tugged on his mothers sleeve and Jane wrenched her eyes away. As the car drove on past Cora reached into her pocket for a handkerchief . Seeing Jane had brought all her most painful memories flooding back with renewed vigour and it was all she could do to stop herself sobbing out loud .

Robert felt very downcast as he sat in the library that evening . The rain , that had turned to icy sleet , was pounding ferociously against the windows and violent gusts of wind roared around the building . " Poor mamma!" said Mary as she heard a murmur of thunder in the distance " I wouldn't like to be traveling in this weather ."  
" It's quite a storm ." agreed Edith .  
"What do you think papa? " asked Mary trying to wake him from his reverie " Will mamma be alright ?"  
Robert didn't answer , he wasn't listening . All his thoughts were bent on Cora and Jane , and trying to work out a way to untangle the knot he had got himself , and them , into . " Papa ?" Mary repeated .  
Robert still didn't answer .  
" Papa . " exclaimed Mary .  
" What is it dear ?" asked Robert .  
" Papa , is something the matter ? " said Mary in an exasperated tone .  
Robert wasn't quite sure what to say to this . He didn't want to lie to his daughters , but then on the other hand if he said something _was_ wrong he would have to explain everything and that was impossible . He decided to avoid the question altogether and change the subject . "I hope Cora doesn't have a rough time of it on the crossing ." he observed . Mary and Edith looked at each other .

Cora however , did not have a rough time on the crossing at all . By the time the boat had left port the storm had elapsed and the rain , that had turned to sleet was now snow . The sea though still a little choppy was relatively calm . As Cora and O'Brien boarded the boat Cora looked out onto the vast expanse of ocean . She remembered another time she had made the same journey across the Atlantic , on her way back from her first trip to England , full of hope and excitement . How different her feelings had been on that voyage to what they were now . She took a deep breath of the frozen night air blowing in off the sea . It was bitterly cold but somehow soothing and refreshing . The sea lapped against the side of the ship as it's inky black waters swelled and dipped in the dying wind and the soft flakes of snow dissolved instantly as they fell onto its dark , silky surface . It was a wonderfully serene picture and extremely calming to Cora , who hadn't felt a moment of peace for nearly month . She took another breath and the cold ran through her . Continuing along the deck , she entered a long and rather ornately decorated room , this was the lounge . From the lounge she proceeded into the writing room and then after climbing a grand flight of steps ,she was shown along a corridor and into her cabin . It was a well furnished but practical room with a walnut bed , a round table and chairs to match , and a small chaise longue in the corner . It was a change from her large , elegant room back at Downton but Cora was used to travelling and felt strangely at home in the cabin . It reminded her of the happy days she had spent at sea when she was a young woman . " I won't be going down tonight O'Brien " said Cora feeling too tired for the festivities down on deck " I think I'll go to bed ." After O'Brien dressed Cora for bed she went downstairs with high spirits to join in the party , while Cora fell into a deep , well earned sleep .


	4. Chapter 4

The next day Robert woke feeling just as despondent as he had the night before . His sleep when he finally got it , was restless and full of anxious dreams . As he swung his feet over the bed and sat up , he recalled a particularly strange dream . He had been walking in the garden when he had seen a figure huddled by a tree , wearing wet ragged clothes and looking extremely thin. He went over to see who they were and what they were doing when he saw it was Jane . She looked up at him and held her hands out for money as if begging . Suddenly he was transported , as people are in their dreams , to the library , where the dream had taken a different track of which he could remember nothing , but the desperate , pleading look in Jane's eyes still hovered vividly in his mind and he was filled with the desire to see how she was . As he thought more on the subject he realised that he should have gone to see her long before now . How had she felt about being caught with him in the library ? Was she alright ? He knew he had found the whole experience very traumatic to say the least ,so how had she coped with it ? He was determined to see her just once more to find the answers to these questions .


End file.
